The Bicycle Guys

Only In Hawaii Files:



Don't know if the mainland has a parallel for them (least there wasn't when I grew up) but in Hawaii there exists what I term as 'BGs' (Bicycle Guys) when in polite company, or 'Mokes On Spokes', MOS (pronounced moes) for short, when not.

BGs are able-bodied, working age males, who spend the bulk of their lives (or the most visible and active part at least) astride bicycles, in apparently aimless meanderings along our surface roads. I say apparently because at a glance they seem to be doing just that, but the unremarkability (a word I just made up) of their presence masks the deliberateness of their actions. This cloak of unremarkability is so effective it seems to render them invisible to even the police, as I have yet to see a BG given even a cursory glance by a cop. It is this super unobtrusiveness on which they depend for their very existence, as the BG gains sustenance via the extralegal. The key to the invisibility of the BG lies in his ubiquity, indeed BGs are so numerous in certain spots like the Waianae coast, that one cannot veer off the road without striking a BG, which aside from ODs, appears to be the chief natural control of their numbers.

Though often spotted riding ten-speeds or other types of bikes, the BGs favorite mount is the so-called beach cruiser; old 50s and 60s style large, heavily framed bikes with fat tires and coaster brakes, well suited for the varied surfaces, and slow meanderings which typify the BG. They can be differentiated from the respectable cycling public by their style of riding which aside from being leisurely, is also distinguishable by other quirks. The BG can plunge or weave heedlessly into traffic as often his attention is elsewhere, they can be seen circumscribing the pavement in one spot for extended periods of time, they ride swiveling their heads repeatedly so that no aspect of their surroundings escapes their scrutiny. This is most usually the case when riding in the neighborhoods, or parking lots where the contents of unoccupied vehicles receive their closest scrutiny. Often they are not moving at all, but rather leaning against a signpost, wall, or vehicle, usually straining to observe an object not apparent to others, or sometimes yelling or gesticulating at said object. The BGs appearance can most kindly be described as unkempt. Ballcaps are de rigueur for the true BG, and backpacks a popular accessory.

BGs are chiefly nocturnal, but can be observed at all hours of the day. Never approach a BG as though shy, they can be unpredictable, and never park where they congregate.

BGs can often be found nesting among squatters at the beach parks, and though they are separate species, they are closely related exhibiting similar characteristics, and occupy the same socio-ecological niche.

It appears that a plentiful supply of victims, and government largesse can sustain large numbers of BGs from now to the foreseeable future.