*Kalding Fling

Entry Two, of the Only In Hawaii Files:

The facility exists in the shadow of a rugged cave pocked promontory, upon which graze herds of feral goats. One flank of the outcropping is being carved and reshaped to accommodate part of a new housing development. Think of it, a housing development situated almost directly behind a sewage treatment plant, I can hear the ring of nascent odor complaints being phoned in already.


But I digress.

While engaged in my daily pursuits a flash of color and movement on the slope of the aforementioned escarpment caught my eye.

Now, there are two footpaths which run parallel to each other notched into the side of this slope, and separated by about fifteen yards of a roughly forty-five degree gradient; fairly steep. On the upper of these two paths I see what appears to be one of the construction crew dashing madly back and forth along the upper trail, his gaze transfixed downslope, pausing intermittently to pick up loose rocks then flinging them downhill. I shifted my glance below him to see what the target of the rock-flinger might be. It was smallish kid (as in goat). It was fleeing cross slope midway between the two trails, and directly beneath the rock-chucker who managed a remarkable job of keeping pace above the panicked ruminant. Something was keeping the animal from fleeing downslope, which I guessed to be someone unseen on the lower trail as my view of it was obstructed from being at ground level.

By clambering up several flights of steps on a nearby building, I was able to view the lower trail and sure enough, the pitcher had an accomplice on it mirroring his moves. They had the kid trapped in sort of a sideways baseball pickle, where the baseline runs up and downhill, and is about a hundred yards wide, and where the object is to bean the base-runner with rocks.

Though I felt kind of sorry for the goat, I had no real concern as I figured all those two dumb-asses were gonna get was a trip to the emergency room. I anticipated at least one of them might trip and fall, or maybe their boss would catch them abandoning their jobs in favor of chasing goats about hillsides. Hopefully I'd get a funny story to tell.

I shouted down to my friend C. who was passing below my vantage to 'get (his) ass up here' and check-out the action.

Both guys were starting to get winded, yet still the hapless kid could not turn the corner and end-run its tormentors, every time it was close it would stop and reverse. By now the top guy was starting to stagger and had become aware of my scrutiny, in a last-ditch effort he grabbed a small boulder of perhaps fifty pounds, raised it overhead, and in a display reminiscent of primordial hunters sent it crashing down squarely atop the unfortunate animal sending it and boulder tumbling downhill narrowly missing his accomplice who unfazed, immediately set upon it as hounds would a rabbit.

Simultaneously amazed and deflated at the sad and unlikely outcome, I turned to the sound of C's footfalls coming up the concrete steps. 'C' I said, 'you should have seen it'...


*For those not savvy to local culture, 'kalding' is Illocano for goat, a favorite dish in the Fillipino community.